Need or want ?

I don't need cigarettes, I just want them. I've had this continous nagging in the back of my mind this week, not for a cigarette, but to stop smoking the damn things. I really have had a gutful. Aside from the financial and health woes they bring, is such a time wasting thing to do. When I smoke one I start thinking about the stuff I need to get on with, but oh no..' just finish this cigarette and I'll do such and such'. At that point I can't be bothered to smoke it and put it out. So why light it ?

Hate the things. Cost me a fortune.

Marbles ?

The marbles refererence is for two areas of my life.

First my way of thinking - you know like 'loosing my marbles'. I'm not a very confident person, low on self esteem, not a very positive person. Not depressed, but want to up my game so to speak. Make my life better instead of lurching from one day to the next in total disorganisation.

Second, I have a marbles credit card that I owe a small fortune on. And I want to focus on clearing that debt, with the help of the MSE - Debt Free Wannabe Forum.

I'm 40 next year ( in 367 days to be exact) and all though it's just a number it's also a state of mind, I don't want behave like I should, just because I'm 40, I want to do stuff because I can.
Sometimes I think that Harry Enfield sketch where Kevin turns 13 is true, teenagers behave that way because society dictates they should grunt and declare everything is unfair for the whole six years.

So the next year I'm going to change the things I don't like and improve the things I do.

Here's my target list to begin with:

• Stop smoking, this is a big thing for me now. Stopped a year ago, for 4 months, but fell back into the trap late Summer 2006. I've been faffing around for the last month trying to stop, but find excuses and battle with the nicotine monster eventually giving in. I can't afford it, mentally, physically or financially. Mentally because I find myself to be one of those irritable, shouty, people when under the influence of the weed, forever wondering when I can have the next 'fix', hate smoking when I smoke, want to smoke when I can't. Stupid habit. Physically, goes without saying really. I know how bad it is. Financially, it costs a small fortune, on an average of 20 a day that's £1952.75 a year, at pre- budget prices. So justify that ? I can't.


• Psoriasis. I suffer mildly but enough to annoy me. Can't go swimming. This is stress related, but I'm sure diet and smoking don't help. So generally taking better care of myself would help. I don't eat much junk, however partial to chocolate (not every day) and crisps, and drink too much tea and alcohol.


• Stop drinking alcohol, might aswell, a couple of lagers a night won't be missed.


• Mealplan everyweek. This helps with the finances. Instead of racking my brains every night about what to feed the menfolk, plan, shop via Tesco, no impulse buys. Will eventually set myself a budget for the month.

My first task is to stop smoking.

Jo