Smober and Sober

Very pleased and positive about the the last two days, although I have one confession, which has lead me to a decision. I have a mountain of energy, amazed at the difference, or am I just behaving like this because I've read/been told energy levels would be good ? Anyway I have a spotless car, the house is feeling the benefit and so is my sleep.

My one confession involves alcohol - again, last night I picked up a cigarette of DH and lit it for him, yes I'd had two lagers.
I've said earlier in my blog Idrink too much and I can't trust myself with the combination of alcohol and nicotine, so from today I'm going sober aswell as smober.

Day Two Of NSJ

NSJ ? Non Smoker Jo !

Yesterday - woke with the desire not to smoke. Strange dream about shopping in Somerfields, but a decent nights sleep.

As I write this I have been a non/ex- smoker for 1 day and nearly 9 hours.

Drunk bucketloads of tea, nicodemon was screaming at me several times particularly early morning and after dinner. During the day it's fine, but the extremes of the day are his most active. However the light headedness comes in waves, lasting two to three minutes, five or six times a day. Some say it's blood sugar because cigarettes contain sugar, others say it's your body reverting to normal oxygen levels. Ironically to me it feels like the dizziness you get when you first have a cigarette.

Anyway, when nicodemon starts screaming I have a choice, either enter the battle where he will win, or just ignore him. The latter is so easy when you have the right frame of mind. There's no point in in stopping smoking, being miserable and waiting to fail, because you will.

Enough of my preaching, I am starting to graze food, the wrong food. It's Easter, so there is chocolate everywhere. Have to stop before it becomes a weight problem. Am drinking more water, but probably too much tea.

Woke this morning with a pleased feeling that I don't have to smoke, relieved is the word. Didn't sleep too well though, and do have a slight cough, this is all expected though.

Another beautiful day, blue sky. Feeling very good.

Think I Get It Now.

When you stop smoking, the healing process is slow and gradual. The mistake I keep making is waiting for something to happen. With a cigarette the 'hit' is instant, when you stop it isn't.

Anyway, something I realised last night while on the MSE forum was that I'd spent over £37,000 on the habit. Makes me feel quite ill.

Start again

Failed twice today, once mid morning, and again around 3 this afternoon. This habit is all consuming. Start stopping again. I know it's not supposed to be easy, but so frustrating.

Kicking Butt !

I did so well yesterday. Sailed through the day until around 5pm. Intense nicotine craving . There was a war going on in my head, the nicodemon telling me to light up. Was feeling decidedly foggy and light headed, but I didn't give in.

And then, 7pm half a stella, I'm chatting on the phone and nicodemon comes up on the inside and I automatically reach for one. Three puffs, and I won't say I didn't know I was doing it. I did. Still that was that, can't drink/smoke, can't trust myself.

Checking in.

08.10 So last puff was at 6.45 this morning. Can't say there was a dawn of realisation, but then there wasn't a feeling of panic either. There is a feeling of calm and control.

Within an hour - almost to the minute actually, the nicotine monster awoke, suggested it was feeding time. But see that's not going to happen again. It can shrivel up and die.

I've got the silkquit meter running, but I'm not sure it's right for me.. It tells me what I haven't done, not what I have. I'm not sacrificing anything by stopping, so don't need to know what I haven't sacrificed ! IYSWIM.

So I'm going to do a daily non-smokers update on my blog, until I get bored with it/novelty of blogging about being a non-smoker wears off. !

The main reason for my blog was to nail that damn credit card, statement due this week.

Let It Go

Still battling with this smoking malarkey. Read this blog, Diary of an ex-smoker.

Today I've had two already, it's 6.50am ! I'm stopping now.
I started when I was 16, September 1984, college. Stopped for 6 weeks in 1993 (patches). Two pregnancies, shamed to admit I only cut down, 2 - 3 a day.
Stopped again April 2006 - Allen Carr, 4 months. Felt happier, more confident, relaxed, slept better. Started again in August 2006, thought I could just have one. You can't.

Been awake since 5am, reread some Allen Carr. Just got to let it go. What's to be scared of ?